Chrysalis Unbound
by sharim
Summary: Doctor Carter AU. One day, in between the stars and a cluttered lab, she found herself without realising it. Sam/Jack eventually, long meandering look at an alternate reality in the early seasons of SG1. Please note, this fic has references to domestic violence in the past, but no actual scenes describing that violence.
1. Chapter 1

_Perhaps the butterfly is proof that you can go through a great deal of darkness yet become something beautiful_ \- Beau Taplin

 **1996**

There are so few women on base, that he doesn't even think to check the sign when he barges into the locker room. The woman he walks in on spins around, jerking back against the lockers with her sweater half-on. He's backing away with his hands in the air, apologising, and is almost at the door before he sees the bruise on her upper arm. He stops, staring at the livid purple marks stark against her pale skin.

"What the hell-"

"Please, get out," she interrupts, pushing her arm into the sleeve of her sweater and hiding the bruise from view.

Those marks are not the result of combat, and the woman against the lockers is no combat veteran. Jack knows on one level that abuse is real, but to see hard evidence of it in front of him, on a woman he's never met, makes his stomach turn. "I don't… Are you okay?" It's quite possibly one of the dumbest questions he has ever asked, but he's not good at stuff like this and really has no idea what else to say.

"I'm fine." She turns her back on him and digs around in her locker, obviously expecting him to leave.

But he doesn't leave, and eventually she turns around and starts to walk towards the door.

Jack reaches out a hand to stop her, and pulls back when she flinches away from him, avoiding his gaze as she stares at the ground next to his feet.

"I just… whoever he is, he doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve that."

Her gaze flicks to his, briefly. Her eyes are as blue as the Stargate Jack has just returned through, and for a second he thinks he could lose himself in them, but she breaks his gaze and looks at the floor again.

"It's nothing," she murmurs, still staring at the ground.

She wears her blond hair long, half pulled back over her shoulders with shorter strands framing her face. He takes the opportunity to study it, noting that despite the makeup there's a hint of bruising on her cheek that her hair doesn't quite hide, and her lip is obviously swollen and looks split.

"It's not nothing," he says. "It's not right."

"And it's none of your business," she says sharply. He's pleased that despite the fact that her eyes avoid his and her posture is ready for flight, her voice carries a thread of steel.

"No," he agrees, because he's not sure what else he can say.

"I need to go."

He steps aside and lets her leave, and the lightness in his soul after their victory and his new perspective on life is weighed down as he considers the door swinging shut behind the woman as she leaves.

Often over the next year, as Jack regains his own equilibrium with this new life he is living, he thinks about the blond woman with blue eyes and bruised skin. He wonders if she left whoever was hurting her. He wonders if she's still in Cheyenne Mountain, working on that alien ring.

He wonders if she's okay.

And he wishes he had done something more than let her just run out the door and disappear.

 **Chapter One**

The familiar – and awful – taste of cold coffee forces Sam to look away from her simulation, and she realises that once again she has stayed far later than she intended too. She's powering down her computer when two women enter her lab.

"Doctor Carter?"

Lieutenant Claire Tobias is one of the last people Sam ever expected to see in her lab. She's accompanied by Doctor Fraiser, who is not often found outside of her infirmary. Sam looks at them curiously.

"Yes?"

"Can you shoot a gun?"

Sam blinks. "I beg your pardon?"

"Can you shoot a gun? We have a situation on base, and we need man-power. Well, woman-power in this instance."

Sam stares at Doctor Fraiser, and then Lieutenant Tobias, and wonders if it's possible that alternate realities actually exist.

"Doctor?"

"I shot a gun once at a fair. You know, those competitions where you try to knock the milk cans over. Does that count?"

The two woman glance at each other, and even though they're the epitome of professionalism she's pretty sure they're rolling their eyes at each other on the inside.

Doctor Fraiser is the one to speak. "That will do."

 _Things must be bad_ , Sam thinks as she follows them out of the lab, the once familiar burn of anxiety and fear coiling in her belly. Things must be _really_ bad if they're desperate enough to give her a gun.

* * *

She's terrified out of her mind; the fear is like a drug and everything seems slow and fast all at once until all she can focus on is the unfamiliar feel of the firearm she's clutching in her clammy hands, and the effort it takes to breathe.

"You okay?" Doctor Fraiser's voice is clear but quiet in her ear.

Sam doesn't think she can answer, so she nods her head instead, tightening her shoulders and clenching her fingers tighter around the gun in her hands.

In front of her, Lieutenant Tobias is motioning with her hands, and silently she follows the two women around a corner, stopping when she sees them confronting an airman. Lieutenant Tobias drops the man with a well aimed blow, and Sam feels a pang of envy; she'd love to be that strong and confident and capable.

Two seconds later General Hammond steps into view behind the two women. "Drop your weapons!" he orders, holding a handgun fixed on Dr Fraiser.

Sam freezes, her heart hammering in her chest as she peers around the corner. Doctor Fraiser catches her eye and tilts her chin stiffly, trying to communicate with her, but Sam has no idea what she's telling her to do. She knows her gun is loaded with tranquilizers, but this is _General Hammond_ , her boss, the man in charge of the whole base, and if she _shoots_ him and it turns out there hasn't been some crazy alien incursion and all the men aren't acting loopy then–

It happens so fast, Sam doesn't even realise she's pulled the trigger, but suddenly General Hammond is staggering towards her, the gun falling from his fingers, before he collapses onto the ground. Sam is staring at him in shock, trying not to look at the tranquilizer dart stuck in his arm.

"Nice shot!" Lieutenant Tobias sounds surprised, and reluctantly impressed.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! I shot him! What was I thinking! Oh my God I'm going to be fired, what am I going to say to him when he wakes–"

"Doctor Carter, calm down!" Doctor Fraiser's hands are on her shoulders, holding her still. "You did good," she says, her voice calm, forcing Sam to look at her and not the General out cold on the ground. "You did good. You won't be fired. I promise, we'll fix him up good as new and he'll be very impressed that you helped save the base, but right now, we still have work to do. I need you to focus. Can you do that?"

Sam tries hard not to hyperventilate.

"We still have a threat we need to neutralize, Doctor Carter. Or Samantha, can I call you Samantha?"

"Sam," she manages to croak out. "And yes, I can do that. I just need a minute. I've never shot anyone before."

Doctor Fraiser grins at her, giving her shoulders a quick squeeze. "Well, let's hope you don't have to shoot anyone else today, or you might start getting used to it."

Sam tries to smile, but her lips don't want to work. "How do I put another dart in this thing?" she asks instead, lifting her gun.

"Take mine, I'll reload yours."

They switch weapons, and continue making their way through the SGC.

Lieutenant Tobias neutralises a guard in front of a locked door, and releases one of the members of SG-1 that Sam recognises as Teal'c. She's seen Teal'c from a distance several times at the SGC, and is aware of him by reputation, but she's never been so close to him before, or realised just how _big_ he actually is. She tries not to hide behind Doctor Fraiser.

"I am pleased to see you, Lieutenant Tobias."

"I'm glad to see you too, Teal'c."

Sam stays at the back of the group with Doctor Fraiser as they continue through the SGC, heading towards the locker room. Around them, the corridors are strangely devoid of activity, and that alone is enough to concern Sam who's used to a dizzying array of soldiers and scientists and technicians.

She's still not really sure how she, a scientist, has ended up in this little band of soldiers and warriors, and she's terrified she'll be the one to screw it all up. That she'll be the one who lets the team down because she gets scared or can't cope with the pressure.

The locker room is steamy and hot, the lighting dim, and the bubbling of the hydrotherapy pool sounds strangely ominous. A limp figure lies at the ground in front of the pool, and Doctor Fraiser pushes past to go assess whoever it is. There's a crescendo in activity, and Sam feels herself pulled back by Teal'c, into an alcove tucked out of sight.

From the billowing steam around the pool, a figure emerges, eyes flashing gold, and Sam's belly lurches in fear. A strong, solid hand is wrapped around her shoulder, keeping her still despite her instinct to run as far and fast as she can, and she fights the panic bubbling up inside her.

"Be still," Teal'c whispers in her ear, and the panic grows wilder, struggling against the hold he has on her arm and the weight of him pushing her against the cold tiles of the wall. She forgets about the alien threat and the danger, and all she feels is being held down and trapped with no way to break free.

"You are safe," Teal'c says quietly, relaxing his hold but not letting go. "You are safe. I will let no harm come to you."

She's forgotten she's supposed to be a warrior, and instead she's back in that room, back being that woman who couldn't save herself. The woman who couldn't get away.

"Here is your weapon." His voice is quiet in her ear, his hand on her shoulder again, but now a gentle rub instead of the death grip of before. She's aware of his breadth behind her, the weight of his hand, the gentleness in his voice. Her fingers find purchase on the weapon she'd forgotten about, and somehow, with him behind her she feels steadier, safe in his shadow.

"Thank you," she whispers, finding her voice. The room before them is still steamy and poorly lit, she can see Lieutenant Tobias and Doctor Fraiser approaching the hydrotherapy bath. She's ashamed she has no idea what happened and if they are still in danger. "Thank you," she says again. "I'm okay now."

His hand tightens briefly on her shoulder, and she feels something comforting with him standing beside her. "Let us be of assistance."

She's still disoriented and disconcerted, past memories mingling with the shadows and steam around them. She sticks close to Teal'c's side, thankful that he accepts her presence with him as they approach the hydrotherapy bath and the limp figure within it.

"Oh, oh my God." The water is alive and furious around the still figure in the bath. "What are those things?"

"Larval Goa'uld," Teal'c supplies from beside her.

"We need to get him out," Doctor Fraiser says urgently.

Teal'c hauls the still silent and unmoving man out of the bath, and drags him towards a bench. "What did she do to him?" Doctor Fraiser breathes as she pushes his shirt apart to reveal a large deformity across his abdomen.

"What is that?" Sam asks, horrified.

"A pouch in which a larval symbiote will mature," Teal'c replies. "All Jaffa have this."

To Sam's disgust and horror, Doctor Fraiser thrusts her hand into the man's abdomen. "Nothing in there yet, thankfully."

"Colonel O'Neill will no longer have an immune system," Teal'c says. "Without a Goa'uld symbiote, he will soon die."

Sam glances at the man hanging from Teal'c's shoulder, taking in the blank gaze and complete lack of reaction to his surroundings; a part of her finds it an irony that both times she's met him, it's been in this locker room.

"Let's take him to the infirmary," Doctor Fraiser suggests.

"You do not have the means with which to assist him," Teal'c says.

"What are you saying, Teal'c?" Lieutenant Tobias demands.

"The Goa'uld sarcophagus may yet heal him."

"Good plan," Lieutenant Tobias agrees. "Let's go. Doctor Carter, you help Teal'c. Doctor Fraiser, watch our six."

Colonel O'Neill is wet and heavy against her, and Sam struggles to help drag him down the hall while juggling her weapon, but they eventually reach the gate room and lower the Colonel into the sarcophagus. Teal'c touches something on the sarcophagus and the device rumbles to life, slowly sliding shut until the Colonel is hidden from view.

Sam's whole attention is now riveted on the sarcophagus, studying it's detail greedily. A device that heals all human injuries, and can revive the dead. Her fingers itch to get a look at it, to understand how it's put together.

"Do you think it will work?" she asks, but before anyone can answer an alarm alerts them to the blast doors opening. Teal'c has hold of her arm and pushes her down behind the sarcophagus as bullets spray into the room; she can feel his body jerk and hears him grunt as he is hit.

"Teal'c!" she cries, her hand wrapping around his wrist as his weight crashes down on top of her.

"I am okay," he says, but his voice is tight with pain.

Beside them the sarcophagus grinds to life again, and she hears a female voice - Hathor, she supposes - barking out a cease fire. Minutes later, Colonel O'Neill launches himself out of the sarcophagus and lands beside her and Teal'c. A blast wave follows him, but the sarcophagus takes the brunt of it.

Sam can hear a high pitched whine building in the sarcophagus, and blue lightning starts playing over it.

"This does not sound good." Colonel O'Neill grabs at her and Teal'c, and the three of them scrabble out of a blast door behind Lieutenant Tobias and Doctor Fraiser. A huge energy wave crashes through the blast doors before they're completely shut, and Sam finds herself once again knocked off her feet, landing heavily on her hip, grunting in pain as someone falls on top of her.

She's lying on her back, dazed, with a wet and heavy weight on top of her. When she opens her eyes, she finds Colonel O'Neill staring down at her, and for a second, time seems to stand still. Then he moves, pushing off her, and her skin feels cold in those places where her clothes are now wet.

"You okay?" he asks.

Sam gasps, trying to catch her breath, trying to clear her mind from the ringing. Her hip is aching, and right now she's had enough, but she's okay. "Yeah," she gasps.

"Doc, get yourself and Teal'c to the infirmary and patched up. Maybe take her," he nods at Sam, "with you. Tobias, you're with me - we have a Goa'uld to neutralize."

Sam doesn't argue when Teal'c helps haul her to her feet, and she limps down the corridor towards the infirmary, wondering if Colonel O'Neill remembers or recognises her.

She hopes not.

* * *

Sam stays in the infirmary with Doctor Fraiser long after word comes through that the Goa'uld is gone, watching as the medical officer patches up various injuries sustained over the course of the evening. Teal'c reappears at some point, alongside Daniel, who Doctor Fraiser whisks away into a cubicle. Teal'c hands Sam one of the large cups of coffee he's carrying, and to her surprise, sits beside her on the edge of the bed she's been using as a chair.

"I do not believe we have been introduced," he states as she takes a sip from the hot and welcome drink. "I am Teal'c."

Sam smiles at him. "I know. I'm Sam."

He tilts his head and raises his eyebrow at her. "Doctor Samantha Carter," she elaborates when she realises that's what he is waiting for.

"It is an honour to meet you, Doctor Carter."

She feels herself blush. "I wouldn't go that far, Teal'c. And please, call me Sam."

His gaze is frank and steady. "I believe you are the one who created the dialling program for the Tau'ri, thus enabling you to use the Stargate."

"Well, it wasn't just me," Sam is quick to point out. "Daniel was the one who-"

"Yes," Teal'c cuts her off. "However without your expertise, Daniel Jackson would have not been able to help activate the Stargate."

Sam shrugs, uncomfortable with Teal'c's assertions.

"Thanks for looking after me tonight," she says instead, clasping the warm mug between her fingers and making a pretense of taking a long swallow so she gets a reprieve from the intensity of his gaze.

"You conducted yourself with honor. Doctor Fraiser informed me that you saved both herself and Captain Tobias. Without your assistance their mission would have been unsuccessful."

"Well," Sam hedges. "I'm sure they would have figured something out. I just got lucky."

"Perhaps," Teal'c says. "Or perhaps you are more capable than you believe."

Sam doesn't answer; doesn't think she can answer that. Instead, she takes another sip of her coffee and mulls over his words. Teal'c sits beside her, silent and patient, until Daniel and Doctor Fraiser emerge from their consultation.

"Big night, wasn't it?" Daniel asks with a quick smile as Teal'c stands up and walks over to him.

"Huge," she says emphatically, smiling at him.

She's always liked Daniel, with his affable personality and genuine interest in her work. If he wasn't so tied up with SG-1 and off-world so often, she thinks the two of them could work well together.

"You did an incredible job," Doctor Fraiser says with a smile. "Particularly for someone who's only fired a gun in carnival games."

Sam blushes again. "Maybe I need to think about some training with a gun."

"That's not a bad idea at all," Doctor Fraiser nods. "I think maybe we need to consider basic marksmanship training for all personnel on base. I'll bring it up with General Hammond during the debrief."

"Going up now?" Daniel asks Doctor Fraiser.

"I'll be there in a minute."

The two men leave the room while Doctor Fraiser heads to her desk and collects a stash of papers. Sam climbs off the bed, feeling oddly reluctant to leave the sanctuary the infirmary has provided after the crazy night.

"I haven't thanked you yet," Doctor Fraiser says as she turns to face Sam.

"For what?"

"For helping us. For taking the risk. And for saving Lieutenant Tobias and myself."

"I didn't save you," Sam says, waving it off.

"Yes, you did," Doctor Fraiser says seriously. "General Hammond was under the influence of an alien substance, Sam, and he had live rounds in that pistol. You were an asset to us tonight, and without you it might be a very different situation in here right now."

"Doctor Fraiser-"

"Call me Janet," the doctor cuts her off. "After what we've been through tonight, I'm pretty sure we can dispense with the formalities. Besides, there aren't so many women on this base that we can't afford not to be friends with the ones that are here. What do you think?"

Sam finds herself smiling at the woman in front of her, unable to help herself being drawn in by her open warmth and invitation. "I think that would be nice."

"Excellent. I need to go to this debriefing now, but maybe we need to organise a girls night out at some point."

And with that, the doctor whirls out of the infirmary leaving it still and quiet.

Sam heads to her lab, thinking it's been a long time since she had a friend.

* * *

It's so late that it's the next morning now, and Sam doesn't see the point in going home. She's exhausted and exhilarated and still running high on adrenalin, not quite believing the night wasn't some crazy dream. The ache in her wrists, and the bruises on her hip assure her it all really did happen.

There's a noise at the door, and she looks up to see Colonel O'Neill leaning against the doorframe.

"You're still here," he says.

"Technically I only started an hour ago."

Her eyes clash with his, and she feels an unexpected jolt in her belly. She tears her gaze away from his, staring down at her desk instead.

"I actually meant _here,_ as in 'still working here'."

Ah, so he does remember her. She feels uncomfortable under his scrutiny now, and tries to turn away so he can't see her face. She wonders what he thinks of her, given what he knows about her.

"How long have you been working here?" he asks, when she fails to say anything. Obviously her strategy of ignoring him is not going to work.

"Since the beginning." He pins her with that gaze again, and despite herself she elaborates. "Since the Stargate Project was reopened a few years ago, before the first Abydos mission."

"That long? How have I not seen you around?"

She shrugs again; it's not like Colonel O'Neill is known for his love of scientists, and when you're not a field scientist it's actually quite easy to hide away in the labs. Particularly if you're trying to avoid someone.

To her horror, he's sitting down on a stool opposite her now, clearly settling in for a visit. "What's this?" he asks, reaching out to touch the power cell she has wired up for simulations.

"No!" The reaction is automatic, and she slaps his hand away quickly. "If you destabilize this it could blow up!"

He looks briefly disconcerted, looking down at the innocuous little pod hooked up to the multiple wires around it. "It could blow up?" he asks doubtfully.

"It's very dangerous," she says firmly.

They drop into silence again, and Sam wonders exactly what he is doing in her lab. She wants to sneak a peek at him, to maybe see what he's thinking, but she's pretty sure he's still watching her and she's not entirely comfortable with the sort of scrutiny his gaze contains.

"I heard the sarcophagus was destroyed," she says eventually, unable to stand the silence.

"Yeah. Blown to smithereens. You should see the Gate room. Hammond's really annoyed, Siler had only just finished painting it."

Sam feels a stab of guilt at the mention of Hammond's name, but when she finally works up the courage to look over at the Colonel sitting by her desk, she's a bit surprised to see a hint of humour in his eyes.

"Is General Hammond okay?" she asks nervously.

He grins openly at her, again surprising her. "You mean after you _shot_ him?" he asks gleefully.

The guilt twists and rises like bile in her throat while the anxiety burns. She needs to find her roll of Tumms; she's going to get another ulcer at this rate. "Oh boy," she whispers, closing her eyes. "I'm going to be fired, aren't I?"

"Nah," the Colonel says, still smiling. "Hammond's been shot before. You didn't hit anything important, and you stopped him from taking out Doc Fraiser, so I think he'll keep you around. Besides," he says, the tone in his voice changing. "You're _the_ Doctor Carter, aren't you? The one who built our Stargate and got the program up and running. You're the brains of this place, Carter, and Hammond would be crazy to let you go."

"I didn't build the Stargate," she disagrees.

He waves his hand arily. "Stargate, dialing program, same difference. Without you, this place wouldn't exist, so I don't think he's going to fire you."

Sam doesn't agree that it's all because of her the Stargate Program exists, but she's struggling to think because of the way he's looking at her. Instead, she looks back down at the simulation she hasn't been able to work on, and searches desperately for another topic to talk about.

"It would have been nice to study the sarcophagus," Sam says.

"Would have been nice to have one in the infirmary. Save a lot of time recuperating after a bad mission."

They drop into that awkward silence again, but this time Sam feels brave enough to peek at him. Instead of watching her like she assumed he would be, he has a yoyo in his hands and is trying to untangle a knot in the string. She's still completely confused as to his presence in her lab, but too nervous to ask him, because she's fairly certain it has something to do with the time before when he walked in on her in the locker room.

"What was it like?"

"The Stargate?"

"No. The sarcophagus. How did it feel?"

"It was very light. And warm. And weird."

"Weird?"

"Yeah. Kind of like being stoned without the drugs."

"You've been stoned?"

"It was a long time ago."

"Oh."

"You know what I don't get?" he asks suddenly, leaning forward.

"What?" Is that breathless voice really hers?

"How for the last five months that we've been working on this base, we've not run into each other at all, despite the fact that you're our resident 'Gate geek."

"You don't like geeks. It's well known. I don't think I've ever seen you in the labs before."

"I visit Daniel's lab all the time."

"It's on a different level."

His eyes narrow. "Have you been avoiding me?"

"How could I avoid you when I don't even know you?"

He sits back, considering. "Okay. I just…. I didn't know if you were okay, and I've thought about you a lot."

To her surprise, her eyes sting, and she looks down at her simulation again, making a pretense of adjusting a wire. She knew this confrontation would happen if he saw her again; he hadn't seemed like the type of man to let it go if he recognized her. She just hadn't expected him to be quite so considerate or sweet.

"I'm okay," she says quietly. "Really, I am okay now. It's not an issue anymore."

When she eventually looks up at him, he's still studying her, and she's got no way of knowing what he's thinking. "I'm glad to hear that," he says finally, offering a small smile. He stands up and stretches, before slipping the yo-yo back in his pocket. "Maybe I just didn't see you because I was looking out for a blond." He reaches over to tug on the dark braid lying over her shoulder. "Brunette suits you though."

Before she can say anything, he's disappeared out of her lab, and she's left trying to concentrate in a room that suddenly seems too quiet and too empty.

* * *

She's sprawled across her workbench, the dangerous little glowing pod pushed haphazardly to the side. Jack considers it briefly, and then turns his attention back to the woman sleeping with her head on her arms and the tiniest bit of drool evident on her wrist. If he knew her better, he might consider teasing her about that. Maybe.

He takes a moment to observe Doctor Carter, studying what's visible of her features for any signs of bruising or injury, but there's nothing evident. He can't forget the images he saw before, of the bruising on her arm and the fear in her eyes. It was reassuring this morning, that there was no fear in her eyes, just caution and embarrassment.

A little bit of subtle snooping today didn't provide him with any useful information; Doctor Samantha Carter is polite, respected and admired by her colleagues, and is known to be brilliant. However, she's also known to be shy, humble, and reclusive. Her next of kin is listed as her dad, and Daniel – who knows everything about everyone – was only able to supply "I think Catherine recruited her initially. She seems really nice though."

Jack thinks it's important that he knows the people under his command, and is annoyed at himself that it's taken this long for him to meet the famous Doctor Sam Carter, whom, embarrassingly, he had always thought of as a bald man with glasses and a potbelly. With Tobias and Daniel on his team the need to venture into the labs has been easily avoided. Still, as second in command of the SGC, he should really have taken more of an interest in his key players, including the scientists.

And now one of those key players is sleeping on her desk, exhausted from a night running around with a gun and chasing aliens. He has the fleeting thought that he wishes he could have seen her in action.

He's relieved she's asleep, because he hasn't really worked out what he wants to say to her or accomplish by seeing her again today. This way, at least, he has the excuse of making sure she gets home safely.

"Wakey wakey."

He rests his hand on her shoulder, and she starts, but instead of a little jump she's flying backwards away from him, falling off her stool in a chaotic rush for escape, scrabbling madly to get away.

"Easy!" he says, crouching down but keeping his hands well clear of her.

It takes her a minute to get her breathing under control and regain her bearings; he sees the utter terror in her eyes fade as she takes in the familiar surroundings of her lab.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," she says, closing her eyes in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, I just… I think I'm still wound up after last night."

He thinks she's lying about what's got her worked up, but he's not going to call her on it. Yet.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"No, I'm okay."

He sits back until she starts to unfold herself, and offers her a hand to help her to her feet. She hesitates for a moment, meets his gaze, and then accepts his grip to help her up.

"I must have fallen asleep," she says, looking at her desk. "What time is it?"

"Home time," he says. "Come on, I'll drive you."

"I can drive myself. I've been driving for a long time, you know."

"Sure," he agrees. "But you're dead on your feet, and I told Doc Fraiser I'd take you home because she was worried you hadn't slept today."

"I don't need-"

"Ah! Doctor's orders. Come on."

In the end, she lets him drive her home, and before he even has his truck out of the parking lot she's dropped off to sleep again, head resting against the glass of the passenger door. She only wakes up when they come to a stop at the address he pulled from her personnel file; a tidy apartment building in a good part of town.

"Thanks," she says, opening her door, and then frowns when he undoes his own door.

"Humor me."

He thinks she might argue with him at first, but she's tired and just shrugs at him as though she doesn't care. He follows her silently into the building, up to her second floor apartment where he waits as she unlocks the door.

"Want to go in and make sure there are no monsters?" she asks him, raising an eyebrow and standing back.

He's tempted, partly because he still feels guilty that he didn't do something when he first met her, and partly because he's curious about this woman who's been a mystery to him for so long. Instead he satisfies himself with a quick glance into her neat, bland, living area through the open door.

"Looks safe enough."

She raises a tired eyebrow at him. "Thanks for the ride, Colonel O'Neill."

"It's Jack."

"Jack?"

"Yeah. Most people call me Jack."

She smiles uneasily at him, and shifts her weight from foot to foot. "Well, thank you for the ride."

"I'll pick you up in the morning so you can get your car."

"It's okay, I'll get a cab."

"I'm going by the base to get Teal'c, so it's easy enough to grab you on the way."

She wants to refuse, he can tell by the look in her eye, but it's obvious she doesn't want to offend.

"It's no hassle, really," he says, even though his house is on the opposite side of town.

"Well, if you're sure…"

"I'll see you at eleven hundred hours. Eleven o'clock."

She smiles at him. "I know how military time works. I'll see you then, Colonel. Thank you."

They say their goodbyes and then he's on his way home, wondering why there's a tingle of excitement in his spine at the prospect of tomorrow. It feels almost like a date, he thinks, and then tells himself he's being stupid and turns up the music.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you, as always, to Nellie for being a fantastic beta. Thank you also to all the various people who I've moaned at, and discussed components of this fic with.

And to the people reading this story, thank you for reading it! It's looking like it's going to be a very long ride in this universe as we get to know the Sam and Jack of this AU.

Also, very HUGE thankyou to xfchemist for the beautiful cover art! I just love it! Thank you!

 **Chapter Two**

It's the perfect summer day. Sam leans back into the lounge chair, enjoying the feel of the hot sun against her skin and the hint of a breeze teasing her hair.

"You're going to burn," Janet says as she drops into the empty chair beside Sam.

"Not as much as those burgers are," Sam says, not bothering to open her eyes. Three beers, a glass of wine and too many snacks later, and she's stopped trying to analyze how exactly she ended up here, instead of being dropped at the base to pick up here car as originally planned. Here being Colonel O'Neill's backyard on a lazy Saturday afternoon with the smell of charred meat in the air and the sound of relaxed conversation all around her.

"It's almost enough to make me become a vegetarian," Janet agrees. "Here, let me top you off."

She's too slow to protest, and the wine glass on the small stand beside her is almost full by the time she opens her eyes.

"Janet," she protests, "I have to drive home!"

In the end, she doesn't drive home. Tobias loads Janet into her zippy little sports car that only has room for two, and Sam is left with the remainder of SG-1, most of whom are either asleep or deep in a Jaffa form of meditation. She's gathering her purse as Colonel O'Neill wanders back into the living room after seeing off Janet and Tobias.

"I'll call a cab."

"What for?" he asks. "I have plenty of room. Daniel and Teal'c are staying."

"I don't want to intrude," she says, thinking that all day she's been trying to fight the sensation that she doesn't really belong. She can't understand why he's insisted she join them when they're clearly a team and she's an outsider.

"Come on, Carter," he says, walking past her to the kitchen. He snags an open bottle of wine and two glasses from the kitchen counter, and heads to the backdoor. "I'll show you my telescope. And that's not a euphemism, I do actually mean a real telescope to look at the stars."

"You have a telescope?"

It turns out he does have a telescope. A _great_ telescope and a viewing deck on his roof which fills her with envy.

"This is great," she says, settling down next to him. There's a soft, faded throw that he pulls out of a storage box, and they drape it over their shoulders before he shows her the stars. She pretends not to know what the closest star in the sky is, and which stars are visible above them. When he talks about red dwarf stars and binary systems she sits back and stares up at the visage above them; the stars are cold drops of ice studded in a velvet sky. She listens to the soothing tones of his voice as he points out the spout of the Teapot, and the Butterfly Cluster, and tells her some of the stories behind the constellations mapped out in the sky above them.

She wonders if anyone else at the SGC has seen this side of him, and knows of his genuine love for the sky and the stars and the legends they encompass. He's not at all what she expected him to be – she's not entirely sure what she expected, but it wasn't this man with such expansive knowledge of the skies, and such easy acceptance of her. The man sitting beside her is not at all the man she's pictured over the last few months.

The wine is almost gone; they're on their last glasses now, taking their time as though they know when the wine is finished the evening will be over. Sam finds herself reluctant for this moment to end.

"What's it like going through the Stargate?"

She's read every report she can lay her hands on, drinking in the descriptions and amazement that seeps through the written word. She's spoken with Daniel and some of the other civilians who have gone through, even Catherine, but right now she wants to hear it from him. Hear it described by someone who loves the stars as much as she does.

"It's cold," he says.

She nudges him with her shoulder, enjoying the warmth of him pressed against her.

"It's a rush. Intense. I think the fact that we're flying through space in a wormhole, and stepping onto a planet no one from Earth has been to before… I think that is even more exciting than the Stargate itself."

"I'd love to go through." The words slip out before she can censor herself, and she feels her cheeks burn with embarrassment in the cool air. It's a childish, fairy-tale of a dream she's been harbouring since they activated the Stargate, but she's not the type of person they take through the gate on missions.

"Why don't you?" he asks.

"I'm not really cut out for space travel," she says finally, when the silence has dragged just a little too long between them.

"Why not?"

So many reasons, she thinks, but mostly that she's not brave enough. She's not strong enough. She's been in bad situations before and couldn't fix them, so she'd be a handicap to whatever team she accompanied on a mission.

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was younger," she confesses, changing direction a little. It's too difficult to talk to him about her failures and weaknesses.

"Is that why you studied space science?"

"Astrophysics? Yeah."

The world around them is silent. She feels light and relaxed, her head resting against his shoulder and his body warm against hers under the blanket.

"So why didn't you become an astronaut?"

"Life happened," she says. "My Dad is very disappointed in me."

"I can't imagine how he could be disappointed in you."

The words are sincere, and Sam feels the familiar and unwanted burn of tears. He obviously doesn't know her well enough yet, she thinks, and has forgotten how broken she was the first time he saw her.

"He always wanted me to go to the stars," she says quietly. "It hurts him that I wasn't enough to fulfil that dream."

"' _Enough'_ what?"

"Enough everything."

The wine is long gone, and things feel heavy and uncomfortable. She's had too much to drink, and said too many things she didn't want to say, and now she's floundering again. She stands up and stretches, the blanket slipping to the empty seat beside him. She turns to climb down the ladder, but he grabs her hand and holds it firmly, tugging until she looks back at him. In the starlight his eyes are shadowed and dark, the features of his face strong and safe. "You're more than enough, Sam. Don't let anyone make you believe otherwise."

It's sweet of him, so she offers a small smile in the dark and returns a gentle squeeze to his fingers. She'd love to believe him, but he's only known her for a day or so, and she's had her whole life to work out her shortcomings.

"Thanks," she says. "I'm going to turn in now."

She leaves him sitting up on the observation deck and finds an empty guest room where she lies alone in the bed tossing and turning long after she hears him retire for the night.

* * *

Teal'c is waiting for her at her lab on Monday afternoon, drawing confused glances from the other scientists getting ready to head home.

"Hi Teal'c," she says, giving him a smile.

"Doctor Carter," Teal'c dips his head in greeting. "Do you still wish for me to instruct you in combat?"

Sam's cheeks turn a little pink as Jay Felgar splutters into his coffee while walking past.

"Yes," she says firmly, ignoring Jay. She straightens her shoulders. "I'd love for you to help me when you have time."

"Then let us go."

He takes her to a quiet area in the gym, the floor covered in thin mats and walls lined with mirrors. He is big and strong and patient, and slowly moves her through stances and sequences that he makes look fluid and effortless, like a dance instead of a fight. After an hour she's sweating and aching. It's embarrassing just how out of condition she is.

After that, she starts running in the mornings before work, and when Teal'c is not on a mission he seeks her out daily for their time together. She finds the exercise soothing and meditative, a space during the day where her mind becomes quiet and she's focused on her body rather than her thoughts.

It's two weeks after Teal'c starts training her when she finishes a sequence to find Colonel O'Neill watching them, leaning against the wall in his BDUs and eyes fixed on her. A long forgotten heat rushes through her, and she stumbles, distracted.

"Maintain your focus, Doctor Carter," Teal'c says calmly, holding his own pose effortlessly.

She tries to ignore the man still standing there, watching, and closes her eyes. She draws a breath, transferring her focus back to her body. She's still aware of him, conscious of his presence in the same way she's conscious of the feel of the mat beneath her feet, the sweat at the nape of her neck, and the burn in her thighs as she forces herself to keep as still as Teal'c.

"Shal kek," Teal'c says eventually, and she relaxes her stance, opening her eyes and trying to keep her breathing under control. "You are doing well, Doctor Carter. We shall continue tomorrow."

"Tek'ma'te, Teal'c. Thank you," Sam says, bowing in the way he had taught her. He dips his head in return, acknowledges the Colonel, and walks away.

"Looks like he's working you hard," the Colonel comments, not moving from his position lounging against the wall.

She glances at her reflection in the mirrors - red-faced, sweaty, dark hair flying out of the bun she's tried to contain it in - and then wishes she hadn't looked. "I think I'm just out of shape," she says, trying to laugh it off.

"Well, if you're not too tired, I've got something to run by you in the armory."

"In the armory? What is it?"

"A surprise. Go have a shower, and I'll meet you there in half an hour."

* * *

It's not quite twenty minutes later when he hears a now familiar feminine voice talking to one of the Airmen on guard out front. He's just finished laying out the second MP5 on the bench when she steps into the allocated bay, her expression curious and a little uncertain.

"You ready?" he asks her, beckoning her over to join him.

Fresh from her shower, the light scent of her shampoo mingles with the heavy tones of oil, metal and gunpowder. Jack finds the mix heady and distracting; a scent he's not sure he'll ever forget.

"Ready for what?"

"Learning how to use one of these."

"We're going to shoot them in here?" she looks doubtful.

He laughs at that, genuine amusement taking him by surprise. "No, you need to know how it works. Anyone can pull a trigger, but there's more to using a gun than just shooting it. Once you've got the hang of this, we'll head down to the range and work on your aim."

"Why am I learning how to use one of these?"

" _These_ are MP5's, and Fraiser had a point last week when she suggested non-military personnel should be given basic weapons training."

She stands next to him at the bench, reaching out a cautious hand to touch one of the weapons.

"It won't hurt you," he says nudging her shoulder. "You can pick it up."

They're quiet as she picks up the gun, testing its weight and studying it with curious eyes. Eventually she looks back up at him, and he's pleased to see all the caution is absent from her gaze, and instead it's blue-eyed curiosity and interest, with a touch of excitement. "Show me," she requests.

He should have known she'd be a quick study. It doesn't take long for her hands to have the rhythm of the weapon, to understand how it comes apart and goes back together. He watches as her long, slender fingers easily fit and attach and lock things into place until she is assembling the weapon as easily as if she's been doing it for years.

"Now what?"

He shows her how to load the empty clip, making her practice until the movements are fluid.

"That's enough for today," he says eventually, pleased with how well she's done. "We'll go to the range tomorrow."

She's looking at him, holding the gun loosely with a relaxed posture, like she was born with a weapon in her hands. It's kind of hot, seeing quiet and reserved Doctor Carter in her neat slacks and sweater, standing in the armory with a weapon across her waist.

"What's the rush?" she asks.

"Well, Hammond wants the civilians to have basic weapons training," he says again.

"Yes, you told me that," she says as she carefully unloads the empty clip and then places the weapon back in its rack. "I don't see any other civilians in here, learning how to use a gun. So what's the rush?" she repeats.

He knew she was smart. Too smart.

"If I can have you comfortable with that weapon by Friday, then Hammond's given the all clear for you to join SG-1 on P8X-987 to observe the black hole during the eclipse." He says the words casually, as though it's no big deal, and there's a half-second where he's not sure that she's heard him or understood what he said.

And then her face lights up in a way he's never seen before, the smile visible for seconds before suddenly his arms are full of a whole lot of Sam Carter. She's hugging him tightly, almost bouncing with excitement. He breathes deeply, taking in the scent of her hair and the feel of it against his face, the press of her soft, warm body against his, and he lets himself enjoy the sensation of holding this woman in his arms.

She pulls back abruptly, her cheeks beautifully pink, but her eyes still sparkling with excitement. "Sorry," she says, her voice strangled as she tries to control it. "I'm sorry. I'm just… the Stargate. Really? Holy Hannah!"

And then she's hugging him again, laughing into his neck. He finds himself drawn in by her enthusiasm and lifts her slightly off the ground, spinning her around while she laughs.

"Oh, Jack," she says, pulling her head back enough to look at him with those wide, excited blue eyes, hands still resting on his shoulders, staying in the circle of his arms. "Thank you," she says earnestly. "Thank you _so much_ for organizing this. It's…. Wow. Wow."

It's the first time she's called him by his name, and he smiles at her, lifting a hand to brush a stray strand of dark hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear. "You're welcome," he says gently, his fingers hovering against her cheek, his eyes locked onto hers.

For a moment the air between them is thick and heavy with something exciting, and all he is aware of is the warmth of her in his arms, the fullness of her lips, and the nearness of her. Then something shifts and the openness in her eyes shutters closed before she's backing away from him, gently untangling herself from his arms.

"I… Thank you," she says again, her hands twisting together in front of her. "Oh, can I tell Janet?"

He nods, granting her the escape she's so desperately seeking, and she disappears out of the armory, leaving him alone with that now achingly familiar scent of flowers and gunmetal, and the sensation that he missed something important.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you so much to everyone for the reviews and following along. Sorry this one took so long – was actually done a few weeks ago but got caught up in moving house and other things, so it fell by the wayside!_

 **Chapter Three**

The corridors of the SGC are quiet this late at night, but not deserted. Sam's not sure what prompts her to go past Daniel's lab, but the door is open and lights are on. She peers in and sees him sitting at his desk, sorting some equipment in front of him.

"Hey," she says from the doorway, hesitant to disturb him but suddenly desperate for company.

"Sam." He smiles up at her. "What are you doing up so late?"

"I could ask you the same question," she points out, taking his greeting as an invitation.

"Oh, I'm always up too late," he says casually as he reaches over for a worn pack and opens it.

She watches as he rifles through the pack. When he's done, he adds a soft leather pouch of brushes, then a worn journal and a small packet of Kleenex.

"Can't sleep?" he asks as he zips a camcorder into a side pocket.

She shrugs, not wanting to admit that as excited as she is, she's also terrified. The closer the clock gets to departure time, the more tightly she's feeling wound.

"I was so excited and so nervous about the first mission to Abydos that I didn't sleep at all the night before," Daniel says when she doesn't answer. "I was terrified I'd make a mistake, or not be able to get us home."

"What about the danger of the unknown?" Sam asks, fascinated by his confession.

"Oh, that was a concern too, but we really had no idea what we were heading into, and the unknown can be a lot less terrifying than the known."

His words carry an element of truth, but Sam is still petrified of the unknown.

Maybe it's the lateness of the hour, or maybe it's because it's Daniel who has shown her only kindness and support, but she finds herself confiding in him.

"I'm worried that I…"

"That you what?" he asks, voice gentle.

"I'm a scientist. I'm not a soldier, and I'm not brave," Sam confesses.

"And you're worried about how you're going to react," he interprets.

She nods silently, shame at her fears and inadequacies so familiar she hardly notices the weight of the emotions.

"Well," he says, considering. "It's hard to know what you're capable of, until you're put in a situation where you are forced to find out."

She has many, many memories of situations reminding her of her weakness and inability to fight back.

"You did great a few weeks ago," he says, unaware of her dark thoughts. "Jack and General Hammond wouldn't let you go off-world if they didn't feel it was a good idea," he adds. "Being military has nothing to do with it. Lots of civilians go off world, even Catherine's been off-world."

"I just… I guess I don't really understand why suddenly I'm going on a mission," Sam confesses to him. "I'm not really serving any purpose. I'm just going as an observer, someone to be babysat."

"Maybe this is a way of seeing how you handle it," Daniel says simply. "You're the expert on the Stargate, and your ability to understand some of the alien technology we've found so far is exceptional. Maybe this is a way of seeing if in the future you could go on more missions and put those skills to good use."

She hadn't considered the mission from that angle.

"So you don't think… you don't think this a waste of time, and just Jack being nice?" she asks.

"Sam, Jack wouldn't do that," he says simply. "If Jack thinks you should go on this mission, then strategically, he'd have very good reasons. Particularly if General Hammond signed off on it."

"You're right," she says, feeling like an idiot.

Daniel reaches over and grabs her hand, squeezing it gently. "It's going to be fine, Sam," Daniel says. "You're going to love it."

She smiles at him. When he puts his pack away and ushers her out of his lab, she finds she's ready to go to bed, settled after the quiet conversation.

When she gets back into the small bed in the cramped base quarters, her toes curl with excitement and she lets herself smile in the dark.

Tomorrow, she's going through the Stargate.

* * *

She can't keep the grin off her face, even if she does feel a bit let down that the planet she's currently standing on could very easily be mistaken for Earth; it doesn't look at all alien.

"So how was travelling by wormhole?" Jack asks, curving the rim of his baseball cap and scrutinising it carefully before fitting it back on his head.

"Amazing," she says, still smiling. "It was incredible. I've read so many reports and spoken to so many people, but it's almost impossible to describe it, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's incredible," he says, and she feels that jolt somewhere inside again at the sight of him smiling at her, dressed in his combat gear with his gun across his hips and standing there as though he isn't afraid of anything.

"I'm surprised someone from SG-7 isn't here to meet us," Tobias comments, looking around.

"Let's go find them," Jack says, waving at Tobias to take the lead. He falls into step beside Sam, and they walk in silence for a short way.

Sam's trying to look at everything at once, drinking in the golden fields and greenery around them, the soft blue sky, sunshine, and visage of a small town in the distance. It's familiar and different all at once.

"It's hard to believe we're on a different planet," she comments. "It looks so much like Earth."

"That's likely because—" Daniel starts to explain, but Sam never gets to hear what his theory is because Tobias let's out a warning call, and Sam catches sight of a still figure lying by the side of the road.

It's not how she thought the mission would go. Meeting an alien people and watching the singularity had seemed pretty exciting, but instead here they are exposed to a horrific, fast acting plague that has them donning biohazard suits and finding a story of death everywhere they go.

* * *

She's sitting on a small bunk in the barracks, with her knees tucked up under her chin, trying to wipe the images of the dead soldiers and villagers from her mind.

"This complex is fully decontaminated, Colonel, and so far everyone on your team seems clear of whatever this disease is." Janet announces as she re-enters the general common room where SG-1 and Sam have gathered.

"I don't understand why they didn't send any warning that this was happening," Daniel says.

"I think it happened so quickly, they didn't get a chance," Tobias says. "People look like they dropped in the middle of what they were doing."

Sam tries not to wince at the words, but Janet must see her discomfort.

"How are you doing, Sam?" Janet asks quietly.

"Okay," Sam lies, pressing her forehead against her knees. "I'm just… I wasn't expecting this."

"We should do a thorough search for survivors or information about exactly what took place here. If Doctor Carter is cleared, Doc, can we spare one of your people to escort her back to the gate?"

"I'd like to stay, please."

"You would?"

She swallows roughly, her mouth feeling dry. "I have a minor in biochemistry and biotechnology. I could help work out what happened here."

Jack considers her, questioning her silently with his eyes. She looks back resolutely, relieved and terrified all at once when he nods briefly.

"Colonel," Tobias says, hesitant but determined. "Are you sure that is a good idea?"

Tobias' words summon an awkward sort of tension, as though all the occupants in the room become still and focus on the lieutenant and her superior officer.

"You're going to have to be more specific than that, Lieutenant."

"Well, Doctor Carter is a civilian, sir, and the scope of the mission has changed dramatically. Are you sure it's safe for a civilian to stay? What if things escalate?"

"Um, I'm a civilian," Daniel points out, butting into the conversation.

"Yes, but you're a member of our team, Daniel. You're used to these situations. Doctor Carter isn't. We don't know anything about what's happened here."

"That's fair," Jack agrees with a sigh.

Something in Sam rebels at the idea of being packed up and sent home to be kept safe while the rest of these people are out here in the unknown.

"Please, Jack, I can help. I want to help."

She's putting him in a difficult position, she can see that, but she's desperate to stay now that she's here. For a moment she thinks he will refuse her, indecision warring in his eyes, but then he sighs, and she knows she's won.

"Gear up," he orders his team. He puts a hand on Sam's arm to stop her following SG-1 to the airlock where the HAZMAT suits are. His voice is low, earnest when he speaks. "None of us will think any less of you if you went back home now; this was not a part of the mission, and it's not something we expect you to do."

Except Sam would think less of herself. It would just be one more cowardly moment to add to the list, and she's determined to change. To be brave. "No," she says with a quiet conviction. "I can help here. I could be useful. I accept the risk, Jack. Please, let me help."

He's quiet as he considers her words, and she wonders what he is thinking as he looks at her, face expressionless. In the end, he dips his head again in confirmation. "Okay, you're with me. But if the situation changes, and I need you to get back to Earth, we're not arguing about it."

"Thank you," she says simply.

"Let's go."

* * *

In the end Sam returns to Earth before the singularity occurs, when the young girl who later identifies herself as Cassandra seems to bond with her in a way she hasn't with anyone else. Sam is a little confused, and at the same time quite flattered by the desperation with which Cassandra clings to her. She hasn't had a lot to do with children, and is usually awkward around them, but Cassandra doesn't seem to need her to do anything other than just _be there_.

The more time she spends with Cassandra over the next two days—holding her, talking with her, drawing with her—the more she feels something inside her start to blossom. She's never had someone need her in this way before, or depend on her quite so much. The feeling is awe-inspiring and terrifying, because she's horribly afraid of not being able to live up to Cassandra's expectations.

By the time they realise Cassandra is on borrowed time, Sam is head over heels in love with her and shattering on the inside at the thought of losing her.

It's why she refuses to let go of Cassandra on the bumpy, desperate drive to the abandoned nuclear facility, clutching the unconscious girl close and savoring the clean scent of her hair. It's why when Jack tries to take Cassandra, she refuses to let him, and insists on taking Cassandra down herself while he accompanies them on the long, clanking ride down the shaft in the little cart that creaks and rocks.

And it's why when Cassandra wakes up, Sam is unable to speak. She hugs her close and buries her head in the long red tresses, not looking at Jack when she tells him she won't leave Cassandra. He tries ordering her, but she ignores him, holding onto Cassandra who is wriggling and pulling away from Sam, asking where they are and what's wrong.

Sam hears the large metal door clang shut, locking herself and Cassandra in the small room. With the quiet around them, a sense of peace settles over her, and she holds Cassandra, telling her it's going to be okay.

"I hope you know what you're doing." She's surprised to see Jack beside them, lowering himself to the ground—she thought he had left. She shouldn't be surprised, she thinks; his sense of duty wouldn't allow him to let her do this on her own.

"What are you still doing here?" Sam asks, finally finding her voice.

"What are _you_ still doing here?" he returns evenly, meeting her gaze as his shoulder presses against hers.

"I can't leave her," Sam whispers.

"Why are you crying, Sam?" Cassandra asks.

"Am I?"

She didn't realise she was crying until Cassandra pointed it out, but now she can feel the heat of the tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. She's crying for the life Cassandra lost, and the new life she won't get to live. She's crying for herself and the dreams she never got to chase. And she's crying for Jack, because duty wouldn't let him leave her behind; she's essentially sentenced him to death.

"It's okay," Jack says gruffly, maybe reading her mind. "C'mere."

He slips an arm around her shoulders, and she leans against him as best she can with Cassandra still cuddled up against her, breathing in the scent of him that's been teasing her for days. She wonders if maybe things were different she might find some courage and not run away each time he creeps a little closer.

"How long?" she whispers.

"Not long."

She sighs against him, hugging Cassandra close and closing her eyes, waiting for the end.

His fingers are in her hair now, rubbing the back of her neck and scalp, and it feels as though her nerve endings on are on fire with his touch, and he drops his cheek against her hair. They sit like that for long moments, until her neck starts to complain and she shifts against him.

"Jack?" Surely by now it should have happened already?

He checks his wrist watch awkwardly around her. "Almost three minutes ago," he says, brow furrowed with confusion. "You and Fraiser definitely got the timing right?"

"Yes." Sam may not be sure about a lot of things in her life, but her math is one thing she's never doubted.

"Then…?"

"I don't know. According to Janet, she should never have regained consciousness."

"I'll call the surface and let them know our status. We'll wait another ten minutes to be sure."

Sam doesn't want to hope, in case they're wrong, but maybe, just maybe, things are going to be okay.

* * *

The small room Janet's staff have set up for Cassandra is tucked away from the main hustle of the surrounding wards. Muted pink and yellow linen, and a smattering of soft toys don't do much to lessen the blandness of the room, but Sam appreciates that someone (she suspects Janet) went to the effort to try and make this lost little girl feel more comfortable—the Air Force Academy Hospital is not really set up to look after children.

Cassandra is tangled in her bedding, fast asleep. Sam runs a gentle hand over her hair and pushes a stray lock behind her ear. Watching the child sleep, Sam feels an ache for something she didn't know she was missing. The sense of purpose she'd felt when holding Cassandra in her arms earlier today had been overwhelming, along with the utter terror at the thought of something happening to her.

She's trying to sort through her emotions, to work out how she can be feeling so much and yet not know what she is feeling, purely because of this child.

"Sam?" Janet whispers from the door, beckoning to her.

She looks at Cassandra one more time before getting to her feet and following Janet out of the room.

"How're you doing?" Janet asks.

"Okay," Sam says. "Cassandra's sleeping now, she's not so restless anymore."

"Good," Janet says. "Want to take a walk?"

Sam hesitates, glancing back at the room where Cassandra is sleeping.

"She's not going to wake up for a long time, Sam, the sedative we gave her will let her have a good night's sleep, which is what she needs tonight. The nursing staff will keep an eye on her."

Sam's not thrilled at the idea, but nods her head, accepting that Janet means to have this conversation with her.

"Come on," Janet says, hooking her hand around Sam's elbow and guiding her down the hallway. "I've officially finished for the night, so we can go get some fresh air."

As with all Air Force installations, the grounds of the hospital are immaculately kept, with picnic tables and benches strategically scattered for recovering patients and their families to enjoy the sunshine.

"I wanted to talk to you about Cassandra," Janet says as they meander along a footpath in the twilight.

"Is this about what's going to happen to her?"

"Yes. It's going to be difficult to find a home for her through usual adoption and fostering avenues, given the problems with security clearance and nature of the program."

Sam sits down on a bench, and Janet joins her. "What are the options for her then?"

It feels so callous to discuss Cassandra's future this way, without asking her what she wants.

"Ideally, someone from the SGC would take her so they can have full disclosure."

"So who have they chosen?"

"No one definite yet," Janet says.

"But?"

Janet sighs, and turns away from Sam, looking across the shadowy grounds stretching before them. "General Hammond approached me," she says eventually.

Betrayal is a sharp, burning ache in the center of her chest. "You?"

"I'm not on a front line team, and my work hours are fairly consistent."

There's a tightness around Sam's throat, a difficulty to breathe and speak.

"Sam?"

"What about me?" she asks, ashamed to hear her voice breaking.

Janet lays a gentle, cautious hand on Sam's shoulder. "Because of the level of classification of the program and risk to national security, they want to keep her with someone in the Air Force."

"So I wouldn't have had a chance anyway?"

"Sam, if this is something you really want, we can approach General Hammond to have this discussion. I wanted to talk to you first, because I know how much you care about Cassandra, but I wasn't sure if this was something you actually wanted."

The instinct is to affirm to Janet that this is definitely something she wants. How could she not want Cassandra? That sense of purpose she got with Cassandra, and the sensation of completeness, how could she not want that?

But, Sam thinks as she sits back, it really isn't about what _she_ wants. It's about what is best for Cassandra.

"I didn't know you wanted children," Sam says eventually.

To her surprise, Janet gives her a half-smile, almost hidden in the dim light around them. "I always wanted children. A whole houseful of children."

"Then why…?"

Janet's voice is more vulnerable than Sam's ever heard it before. "I can't have children, Sam. Not physically. So this… this is a surprising, and unexpected, but a very much wanted opportunity for me. I really want this, Sam."

Sam really, really likes Cassandra, and there is a selfish part of her that loves the way Cassandra makes her feel. The adoration in her eyes, the need to be close to Sam - it fulfills her and gives her a sense of purpose and validation in a way that nothing else has for a long, long time. But it's not about Sam's sense of validation and selfish desire for adoration, it's about a little girl needing a parent, and a parent who doesn't have a child.

If she's honest with herself, Sam doesn't think she's ready to be, or cut out to be, a parent. She hasn't even found herself yet, in the mess that is her life, so how could she possibly drag a little girl into her chaos and uncertainty?

"I think you'd be perfect for Cassandra," Sam says, hoping she sounds positive and happy for her friend.

"Are you sure, Sam?"

Sam nods, because it's too difficult to speak.

Janet touches her hand with her own. "I mean it, Sam, if you want this, I won't force it, or fight you because I know that Cassandra's attached to you. I don't want to cause her any more distress or emotional upheaval than we need too."

"I'm not ready for children," Sam says, trying to smile at Janet.

"No one's ever ready for children," Janet says sagely.

"Maybe," Sam concedes. "But I'm not in a good place personally to have a child right now. I need to work out exactly who I am first, and find my own feet."

"You're going to be fine, Sam," Janet says encouragingly, squeezing her hand. "Trust me, you'll be fine."

Sam shoots a glance at Janet, and finds understanding and empathy in her eyes, and not an ounce of pity or judgement.

"How do you know?"

"I've been close to where you were," Janet confesses. "An abusive relationship in any form takes it toll, and you're doing all the right things to recover from it and move forward."

Sam's insides feel like ice at Janet's words. "Who told you?"

"No one," Janet says. "I did your pre-mission physical, Sam. You have significant injuries and trauma in your records which are not difficult to interpret."

She doesn't like that Janet knows. That anyone knows about her weakness and failure and poor judgement.

"My ex-husband tried to get physical with me after years of mental and verbal abuse," Janet says when the silence between them grows. "I let him hit me twice. The third time he hit me I broke his jaw, and we got a divorce."

"You left him before he hurt you too badly," Sam points out, as though Janet's story is different from hers.

"And you left before he killed you," Janet returns gently.

"Not soon enough though," Sam says.

"Oh Sam," Janet sighs. "If it was easy to leave, domestic violence wouldn't be what it is. You got out. You're here, alive, and learning how to defend yourself. You're going to look in the mirror one day and realise you can stop searching because you've already found yourself, and then you'll be able to forgive yourself for something that _wasn't your fault_."

"I know it wasn't my fault that he did what he did. It was my fault for not leaving sooner, even when I knew things were bad. It was my fault for believing I could be enough to change him. To save him."

"Did you?"

"No. Nowhere close. He died a few months ago. Went completely crazy before died, and other people died as a result. I blame myself for not pressing charges, because I think I knew he had that possibility inside him, but I was so scared."

"And you were worried that people wouldn't believe you."

"Yes, but-"

"Sam, you can't blame yourself. You were the victim of abuse, and none of his actions are your fault. Your job was to get out and get safe, and you did that."

She's quiet for a long time, thinking about Janet's words. "I just feel so lost, Janet. I constantly doubt myself and my decisions about everything because I've obviously made some very bad choices in the past. Sometimes I think I'm doing okay and then something innocuous happens and I panic. I had all these dreams when I was younger, and now I have no idea where I'm heading with my career _or_ my life because I just sort of fell into the Stargate assignment by accident, and I'm still a bit confused about why they keep me around sometimes."

She's never confessed so many of her fears and doubts to anyone before, and they hang in the air between them, solid and real and heavy.

"Why do you worry about your position at the SGC?" Janet asks.

"I was working for the Pentagon originally, in a private research capacity," Sam explains. "I was consulting for Catherine Langford, and she offered me a position when she heard my fiance was being transferred here."

"Was he military?"

"Air Force," Sam admits.

"You think it was a coincidence, Sam?"

"What do you mean?"

"That you just happened to be offered the position at the SGC because your fiance was transferred Colorado Springs?"

Sam shrugs. "It was always about Jonas and his transfers. I just followed where he was sent, and he was sent to do something at the Academy here initially. I got lucky and offered a job with the Stargate program when we moved here. Then Jonas was given orders to transfer to Florida a while after the Stargate program was shut down, but Catherine wanted me to stay and continue working with her. That's when things really got bad."

Janet's quiet for a while. "You're invaluable to the program, Sam. You should know that. Look at how you went right out of your comfort zone a few weeks ago when there was a threat we needed to deal with. And now you're training with Teal'c and going on missions. I know you don't see it at the moment, but things are going to get better for you. They already are."

Sam shrugs, still reluctant to believe the words despite knowing they make sense.

"Have you seen a counselor, Sam?"

"I tried for a while, but it wasn't really helping."

"Well, you can talk to me whenever you want," Janet offers, surprising Sam by wrapping an arm around her shoulders and giving her a gentle half hug. "But I also think we should you find you a counselor that works for you. They're worth their weight in gold – they helped me recover a lot faster than if I'd tried to do it on my own."

"Thanks, Janet. For listening."

"That's what friends are for, Sam," Janet smiles as they pull themselves back to their feet.

They're almost back at the hospital entrance when Sam says, "I think you'll be an amazing mother. Cassie is lucky to have you."

The strength of Janet's arms and fingers digging into her back as she pulls Sam in for a hug speak volumes about the depth of yearning and desperation she feels about adopting Cassandra. "Thank you, Sam," she whispers, still holding tight. "Thank you."

* * *

He's waiting for her in the hall outside Cassandra's room, positioned so that he can just make out the shadow in the bed where Cassandra lies sleeping. When Doctor Fraiser and Sam return from their walk, Sam looks exhausted.

"Colonel," Doctor Fraiser says, offering him a smile. "What can we do for you, sir?"

"Nothing," he says, smiling at her. "Daniel noticed Sam's car was still at the SGC when we left, so we figured she must need a ride to dinner."

"Dinner?" Sam asks, confused.

"We usually go out for a beer or a meal after a mission," Jack says easily.

Sam frowns at him. "But we got back a few days ago."

"Mission only really finished today," he says. "Well, satisfactorily resolved anyway."

"Oh," Sam says. "I'm not a part of your team though."

Yes, he remembers those words that Tobias threw around on Hanka. "You were for this mission," he says. "The others are expecting you."

She looks half-convinced.

"Doctor Fraiser, you should join us too. You were pretty heavily involved in this one."

"Thank you, Colonel, I'd love too, but I'm going to stay here tonight. You should go, Sam. Go have some fun, with some good people."

He's curious about the look that Fraiser and Sam exchange, a hidden depth of communication he's not privy to. Sam seems to understand whatever Fraiser is saying, and nods at her before looking back at Jack.

"If you're sure everyone wants me there," she says.

"I'm sure," Jack says.

"Okay. I'll just get my purse."

She slips into Cassie's room quietly, a shadow in the dim room. He feels like a voyeur watching as she hesitates beside Cassie's bed, and then leans down to press a kiss against her head before they say quiet goodbyes to Fraiser and head to his truck.

On the walk to the car, she's tense and quiet, seemingly lost in her thoughts.

"What's wrong?" he asks when they're on their way, and the silence has continued on for too long.

Her fingers trace invisible patterns on the purse resting on her lap. "Janet's going to adopt Cassie," she says.

"I know," he says. "Are you okay with that?"

"Yes."

He stays silent, focusing on the road.

"Okay, no, I'm not sure how I feel about it."

He flicks on the indicator, makes a show of checking the oncoming traffic before turning across the intersection. He winds his window down, spilling fresh air into the cab.

"Janet's going to be a great mother," Sam continues after taking a deep breath. "She's so desperate to have a child that she would do anything for Cassie already."

He hears the unvoiced belief in Sam's words making it clear she sees herself as a poor second in Janet's place. He wonders what exactly had happened to this woman, and who was responsible for filling her with so much self-doubt.

"What about you?" he asks finally.

"What about me?"

"Why wouldn't you be a great mother?"

She stiffens, the insult and personal nature of the question setting her on edge, before she relaxes back into the seat and sighs. "I'm not ready," she says finally. "I know that I'm nowhere near ready to be a parent."

"No one is ever ready to be a parent," Jack says gruffly, stamping on his own inadequacies and memories.

He can almost hear the wheels churning in her head, the way the direction of her thought swings around to focus on his own failure of parenthood, feels the inevitable conversation coming at him like a tidal wave.

"You had a son," she says quietly.

The pain is as sharp and deep and fresh as always. "Yes, I did."

"I'm sorry you lost him," she says sincerely, a warm hand brushing against his. He catches her fingers with his, and she squeezes his hand gently. He hangs on desperately, letting the cool air of the evening splinter in his lungs and trying to breathe out the yawning ache that is threatening to engulf him.

When he can focus again, the lights of O'Malley's are visible ahead of them and their fingers are still tangled together. "I miss him," he finds himself saying, fingers clenching against hers.

By the time he stops the car in the lot he's had to let go of her fingers, but the pressure in his chest has eased and he feels like he can swallow again.

"Hungry?" he asks.

"Starving," she says with a smile, touching the back of his hand on the gear shift briefly.

As they walk across the parking lot towards the entrance, he tries not to notice how cool the air is against his skin where moments ago her fingers had rested, soft and warm.

* * *

 _Would love to hear any thoughts or comments you have on the story so far! Thank you :)_


	4. Chapter 4

Once a week, Jack steals her from Teal'c and takes her to the shooting range. Sam's discovered she has a good eye and enjoys the satisfaction of hitting the target. She finds herself looking forward to their time on the range. She tells herself it has nothing to do with the fact that Jack spends most of the session pressed up against her back, arms around her, cheek against cheek. When his hands rest on her hips to correct a stance, and fingertips flirt with the sensitive skin above the waistband of her pants, she puts the erratic thumping of her heart down to the exhilaration of learning to defend herself, the power of holding the weapon in her hands and knowing how to use it.

Sometimes she forgets herself and finds herself leaning back against him, turning her face towards his neck and breathing in the male scent of him. Then she remembers that she's not ready for this sort of closeness yet, so she pulls away before she gets too comfortable. He never chases her when she retreats, and part of her is frustrated and confused that things keep hovering on the precipice of _something_. Mostly, she is thankful, because she's not sure she can do anything except run at the moment, and she doesn't want to run from him.

They're due to go to the range on Friday afternoon, after SG-1 gets back from their mission. Sam's in the gym, practicing the sequences Teal'c taught her, when the alert sounds for an unauthorised gate activation. SG-1 has only just left, she thinks, so it's unlikely to be them returning. Before, she didn't pay attention to these alarms, because she didn't know the teams going through the gate. Now with Teal'c and Jack spending time with her, and Daniel wandering into her lab late at night for shared coffee and conversation, she suddenly has a vested interest in them coming home.

She tries to breathe out the anxiety that bubbled to life with the alarm, focusing on transferring her weight onto one foot while she balances, but her concentration is shattered. She wishes for an opponent to work off some of her frustration with one of the training staffs Teal'c has introduced her to.

Five minutes later she's urgently paged over the speakers.

Tobias and Jack are missing, possibly injured or worse, and Daniel is unconscious in the infirmary. It's her job to get the gate back online, and she's determined to do it faster than the twenty four hours Siler has predicted. She's not prepared to leave Jack out there any longer than he needs to be.

* * *

In the background he can hear Tobias swearing and muttering, the sound of her attempts to fix the DHD with limited equipment and knowledge reverberating around the emptiness of their cavern.

Jack's not doing too great. He's been in bad situations before, so he feels that he may have some idea about how things are going. And right now, stuck in an icy cavern with a broken leg and broken insides, he's pretty sure he's not going to survive this adventure.

Lying on his back on the ice, trying to ignore the cold and wet and pain, he spends a lot of time hovering on the edges of memories and ideas. He thinks about Charlie and how he hopes that he'll get to see him again. Jack doesn't believe in an afterlife or heaven, but if it means seeing Charlie again, he'll believe in anything. He thinks about Sara, and wonders how news of his death (or disappearance) will affect her. Whether if it _will_ affect her. She's a good woman, and she deserves more than what he gave her.

He wonders about Teal'c and Daniel, and hopes they made it home. He feels guilt and sorrow for Tobias, young and bright and at the start of her life and career, only to have it cut short by a malfunction. He thinks about Sam, and the way he won't get to flirt with her at the range anymore.

Beneath him, the ground rumbles again as Tobias attempts to dial the gate, but there is no familiar whoosh of a wormhole forming, or blue glow of an event horizon once it's stabilized.

"Sir, I can't get it to work. I've tried resetting it twice, but it's just not functioning," Tobias says. Her voice is hoarse from cold and thirst, distant and faint. He thinks maybe he's starting to slip away because it's harder to stay focused on reality than the memories and dreams he's slipping into.

"Take the gear and go," he orders. "Find help. Survive."

"Yes, sir," she says, and then pauses. "Sir, it's been an honor."

He likes that she is realistic, but is a little disappointed she's giving up on him so easily, even if it is the most sensible course of action. "You too, Lieutenant. Now go, save yourself."

He sees her snapping off a salute, and closes his eyes so he doesn't have to watch her leave. He listens to the sound of her climbing up and away, until it's hard to tell apart the creaks and groans of the ice around him from the faint echoes of her escape.

Jack closes his eyes and hopes it won't take too long.

* * *

She's terrified it's taken too long. Fifteen hours to fix the gate, a day and half of SG personnel fruitlessly searching planets, and then an unusual gate activity fills them with hope and a new search direction. It's almost sixteen hours later when they recieve word that Jack and Tobias have been located alive, but there is no further information on their condition other than 'critical' and 'exposure' and 'internal injuries'.

It's over a week later when Jack and Tobias are finally transferred back to the Academy Hospital, and hours before Sam, Teal'c and Daniel are allowed to visit.

He looks terrible, she thinks when she finally sees him. In need of a shave, pale, and very still against the white of the hospital pillows. She pauses on the threshold of the door, suddenly shy and awkward now that she's here, feeling silly after the desperation and worry and fear over the last two weeks. Who is this man to her, that she's been so worried and desperate for his return? And who is she to him, that she feels she can be there with Daniel and Teal'c to see him first, make sure he is really alive and in one piece?

"Come on," Daniel says, grabbing her hand and dragging her forward.

Jack opens his eyes as they pile into the room. "Hey," he says, offering them a dopey looking smile.

"It is good to see you again, O'Neill," Teal'c says with what Sam's starting to recognise as a smile in his voice.

"What took you so long?" Daniel asks, dropping into the chair beside Jack's bed.

"Tobias wanted to go sightseeing," Jack replies, trying to shift on the bed and wincing. "I've discovered I'm not as fond of ice as I used to be."

"Hit hard, huh?" Daniel says sympathetically.

"I'm going to be in plaster for at least six weeks."

"Yeah, Hammond took us off the mission roster. How is Claire? We haven't seen her yet."

"Fraiser discharged her already; other than a sprained ankle she's fine."

"We'll call in on our way back to base and check in on her."

"Mmm, good idea," Jack says as his eyes close again.

"You okay, Jack?"

"Yeah," he says, opening his eyes. "The pain meds are pretty strong."

"Can I get you anything?"

"Something to eat," Jack says immediately. "The crap they've been giving me… it's worse than MREs."

"We'll go find you something," Daniel says, standing up. "Come on, Teal'c, you can help me carry."

It's not the most subtle exit Sam's ever witnessed. Some of the nervousness and uncertainty she felt earlier is creeping back now that Daniel and Teal'c have left and she's standing alone in the room with Jack.

He's looking at her the way a starving man might look at a bowl of ice cream, and she stares at her feet, not really sure where to look.

"I hear I have you and Daniel to thank for finding us," he says, breaking the silence.

"We wouldn't have, if Tobias hadn't thought to reset the DHD."

"Well, thank you anyway," he says gruffly, reaching out an arm to pat the chair next to him. "I'm glad I had you and Daniel at home to figure it all out."

"Are you really okay?" she asks, eyes lingering on the foot of the bed where the chunky cast is poking out from under the covers. She knows he had surgery on his leg and his abdomen, but the only evidence of his injuries she can see is that bright white block of plaster.

"I am now," he says gently, and relief breaks through her with the force of a small explosion. She moves to the chair beside him and sits down.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she whispers, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly. His fingers are warm between her hands, his pulse strong under her finger tips. "I was so worried."

He grips her hand, a gentle squeeze. "I was worried too," he admits. "Sam-"

"Jack?"

There's a tall, blond woman in the doorway, watching them curiously.

"Sara!" Jack pulls his hand out of Sam's and sits a bit straighter in the bed.

"Am I interrupting?" the woman - Sara - asks, looking between Sam and Jack.

"No, not at all," Jack says. "We were just…"

"Talking," Sam says quickly, standing up. "And I was just getting ready to go."

"Please, don't leave on my account," Sara says, still standing just inside the doorway.

"No, really, I need to get home and-"

"They only had sandwiches or a salad, Jack, so we got you both. And apple pie, but Teal'c claimed the ice cream- Oh, hello."

"Hi," Sara says, shifting awkwardly on her feet.

"It's Sara, isn't it?" Daniel questions, looking between Jack and the woman. "I met you once before, a little while ago, when…"

"Yes, I remember," Sara says, her voice quiet. "Dr Jackson, right?"

Daniel smiles at her. "Yes. How are you?"

"I'm okay, thanks. How are you?"

"I'm good too. You remember Teal'c, don't you? And this is Sam. Doctor Samantha Carter."

"Nice to meet you," Sara says. "I can come back later if this is a bad time," she adds, looking over at Jack.

"It's fine, Sara," Jack says. "It's just a surprise to see you here."

"I was told when you arrived earlier today," Sara explains, "but I wanted to see for myself that you're okay."

"Why were you told?" Jack asks, confused.

"I was informed when you were listed missing in action, Jack. And then General Hammond called to let me know that you'd been found. I knew you were injured, but I didn't have any more information than that."

"I was listed as MIA? I wasn't gone that long."

"I argued with General Hammond that it was too early," Daniel says to Jack, "but he said it was protocol."

"And protocol dictates that your next of kin is notified," Sara says quietly, evidently well versed with the Air Force protocols. "I'm surprised I was still listed, Jack."

Jack shifts awkwardly on the bed. "Yeah, well, I can change that if you want."

There's a bittersweet ache in Sam's belly as she watches the woman approaching Jack's bedside, sitting on the sheets next to him and gently taking his hand in hers. "It's fine, Jack. I just… it was just a shock hearing you were missing and then injured. I just…. I just needed to know you were okay."

"I am okay," Jack says quietly, intently, so focused on Sara that it's almost uncomfortably intimate watching their reunion.

Sam slips quietly from the room, the air suffocating and heavy around her shoulders. Outside the sky is blue and the leaves are turning auburn and gold as autumn takes hold.

She knows Jack was married in a previous life, has seen photos of his wife and son displayed in his home. She's never really considered he may still be in touch with his wife, or that she may not even be an _ex_ -wife. And besides, other than some flirting, there is nothing other than a new friendship between her and Jack. A friendship still in its infancy, really. Wasn't she telling herself, just days ago, that she wasn't looking for another relationship?

So there is no reason to feel this burning ache inside at the thought of Jack with another woman, even if she was his wife.

* * *

He's seen Sara a couple of times since the entity that impersonated first himself, and then Charlie. The first time, he'd called and arranged to meet her at a bar for a drink. Sara was still shaken up by the whole event, and the conversation between them was stilted and awkward. The second time was an unintentional meeting at the local nursery. An easy exchange about the right type of garden mulch (Jack still has no idea about garden mulch) led to a long conversation at the small cafe tucked to the side of the nursery while they drank coffee and shared some pie. Their conversation was careful and veiled, but it was the first time that Sara had even an inkling of what his work entailed, and despite the constraints of their surroundings, it was one of the most open and relaxed conversations they'd had in years.

And now, with Sara suddenly in his hospital room on the chair next to him, Jack is the one who feels vulnerable. The feel of her skin against his fingers as she grips his hand in hers is an exquisite reminder of what he's lost, and he's engulfed by a wave of grief and relief that she is here by his side.

"Jack?" she asks when his fingers tighten against hers.

He forces his eyes open and looks at her; really sees her, sitting there beside him, concern etched onto her face. Something in her eyes that reminds him of the way she used to look at him, before Charlie died.

"I'm okay," he lies, relaxing his grip. "Sometimes the pain…."

"Do you need some more meds?" she asks, looking around the room as though Daniel or Teal'c can somehow turn into a nurse.

"No," he says, "I'm okay now."

"Good," she says, and doesn't let go of his hand.


End file.
